rain

Its been a rainy few days here. Right now my son is out playing frisbee in the rain. You can imagine that I’m thrilled by this. I just don’t get it.

I went to the gym on Monday and my legs are still sore from the workout with the trainer. So sore, in fact, that I didn’t make my goal of going back every day to walk. Its getting a little better, maybe I’ll be able to go tomorrow. I’m in such an “I don’t care” mood that I probably won’t. I’ve got through the end of October with the trainer before the sessions run out. We’ve been with him since last July. I should have made progress by now.

This “I don’t care” attitude is pushing into other areas too. I told myself a couple of years ago that I’m getting too old for cutesy graphic tees, yet I just went and ordered several from Threadless. All I ever wear is jeans and t-shirts. I have nicer things to wear but I can’t be bothered. I don’t care how I present myself in public. I wish I did, but I just can’t. I don’t take myself seriously. I’ve got jewelry, I don’t wear it. I’ve got make-up, I barely use it. I do care what people think of me, but apparently not enough to look like I care about myself. Its a major confidence hurdle. Its also no wonder I haven’t had a date in 5 1/2 years.

So how do I turn the “I don’t care” into “I do care?” I cared about how I looked when I weighed less and was in shape. Maybe that’s the key. I just have to get off my ass and go to the gym more. I know exercise is supposed to help alleviate depression too so I know it would do me good. I just have so much trouble talking myself into doing it. It’s not like I’m that happy sitting around all day waiting for something to happen. But at the same time I don’t care enough to make anything happen.

I feel like I’m stuck between and rock and a hard place. Can anyone pull me out?

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2 thoughts on “rain

  1. OK, Heather – you need a makeover. You need for someone to look at you and point out your good features and help you see the beauty you have and help you figure out how to celebrate that prettiness.
    Go to Sephora and tell them you’re in a funk and need some help to brighten up. They’d love for you to buy something but they don’t pressure. You may want to go get an inexpensive trim and style somewhere first. Wear jeans but wear a shirt that flatters your figure. Wear jewelry that matches. Wear nice shoes.

  2. Do you want me to send you text messages in the morning encouraging you to go to the gym? I know it’s really hard to go after you’ve skipped, but start off slowly. If your legs hurt, just work your arms until the legs feel better. Gradually add more each time. I hadn’t done a few of the leg machines in eons and i tried them again a few weeks ago and my legs ached for days, but as soon as the pain went away I went back because if you don’t you have to start all over again.

    Just get yourself to the gym with the intention of doing ONE exercise. Just do one arm machine, and if that feels okay, do two, etc, etc, etc. Then you don’t have to feel overwhelmed about staying for an hour, and you’ll still slowly get back into the swing of things.

    And also, i can nominate you for ‘what not to wear’ if you want (but I warn you, someone needs to nominate me, so its not like I should talk!)

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