Violets in Blue

I think my bad habits are really catching up to me now. I feel really lousy and I’ve been having trouble sleeping this week. I wish there was a way I could just drain the bad stuff out of my system. I’ve had too much caffeine, sugar, beer, heavy unhealthy food. My allergies are driving me nuts. When I stand or walk my lower back starts to hurt in as little as five minutes.

I think there needs to be a major adjustment in my food and activity level. I need to go to the grocery and get fresh fruit and veggies. I need to cook healthy meals at home instead of going out so much. I should give up the soda. I need to go to the gym more often. I also need to go to the doctor for blood work and to have my back fixed. I need, I should.

Things have been fairly quiet for the last couple of days. The weather has been a little warm for my liking but that’s ok since I mostly stay inside. There’s so much work that needs to be done in the yard, I need to clean the house. Nothing good or interesting. My life is boring. So all’s the same really.

How do you motivate yourself to exercise and eat right? It seems like it should be so simple to me, especially since I watched my mothers health deteriorate from bad habits. Help?

Its been a rainy few days here. Right now my son is out playing frisbee in the rain. You can imagine that I’m thrilled by this. I just don’t get it.

I went to the gym on Monday and my legs are still sore from the workout with the trainer. So sore, in fact, that I didn’t make my goal of going back every day to walk. Its getting a little better, maybe I’ll be able to go tomorrow. I’m in such an “I don’t care” mood that I probably won’t. I’ve got through the end of October with the trainer before the sessions run out. We’ve been with him since last July. I should have made progress by now.

This “I don’t care” attitude is pushing into other areas too. I told myself a couple of years ago that I’m getting too old for cutesy graphic tees, yet I just went and ordered several from Threadless. All I ever wear is jeans and t-shirts. I have nicer things to wear but I can’t be bothered. I don’t care how I present myself in public. I wish I did, but I just can’t. I don’t take myself seriously. I’ve got jewelry, I don’t wear it. I’ve got make-up, I barely use it. I do care what people think of me, but apparently not enough to look like I care about myself. Its a major confidence hurdle. Its also no wonder I haven’t had a date in 5 1/2 years.

So how do I turn the “I don’t care” into “I do care?” I cared about how I looked when I weighed less and was in shape. Maybe that’s the key. I just have to get off my ass and go to the gym more. I know exercise is supposed to help alleviate depression too so I know it would do me good. I just have so much trouble talking myself into doing it. It’s not like I’m that happy sitting around all day waiting for something to happen. But at the same time I don’t care enough to make anything happen.

I feel like I’m stuck between and rock and a hard place. Can anyone pull me out?

I would love to say I’ve been insanely busy or something, but I’ve just been slacking. I need another 30 things to get me blogging more again. Right now I’m just sitting here watching football, so I can take a break and post a little something.

Last week I cleaned the house. Hardcore. It felt good. The house has even stayed tidy all week too. I need to set a regular day that I clean. It can’t be weekends right now with football on and two people glued to TV’s. Monday or Friday seems good. I’ve been cooking more too. I feel domesticated. Not that I haven’t already been domesticated.

Everything else remains the same, I still need to get back to the gym and am having trouble doing it. Lack of energy, all that stuff. I’ve been getting out of the house more but that doesn’t always mean good things.  I can still get myself in trouble. Time to grow up, seriously.

Hope you all are well. Hope you are starting to feel a bit of autumn. We aren’t feeling it here but you will hear from me once we do. I’ll be as happy as a clam.

It’s labor day, and I’ve not labored a bit. I’ve been in my nest flipping between the US Open, a Criminal Minds marathon, and floating around the internet. Hang on, very tense tiebreak happening…

My mind has been wrapped up for the past couple of days in my aloneness. I went out on Saturday night since Zach was at the UCF game. I felt surrounded by couples. There were other single people there, but It seemed like they all had someone to talk to, at least a friend. I don’t totally mind being alone, but I am getting tired of it. I’d like someone to talk to at the end of the day. There is a certain guy, but I don’t have the nerve to say anything to him.

That’s really all I’m thinking about. Hope you all have a fun labor day!